


Ephemerality

by firecube



Category: K (Anime)
Genre: M/M, Oneshot, Post-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-08
Updated: 2015-12-08
Packaged: 2018-05-05 16:47:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5382920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firecube/pseuds/firecube
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sakura blossoms… ephemeral though they are, one knows they will bloom yet again come the next year.  If it were not for that, the pale crimson flowers would have been a fine example of his loss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ephemerality

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: K Project and its characters belong to GoRa.  
> A/N:  
> I wrote this quite a while ago when I first got into K. The ending got me so sad I had to write my feelings out, which may be why parts of this fic are a little meta.  
> I’m using Munakata’s given name here, since it’s all in his POV.  
> And fair warning, my sentences tend to get so long and complex that my teachers even complain, and some of that shows through here, but I guess that’s rather in-character for Munakata.  
> Enjoy!

Reisi awakens to subtle traces of daylight filtering in through the curtains, and somnolent panic rises up in his chest before he reminds himself, _It’s Saturday._

Neither he nor any other at SCEPTER 4 goes to HQ on Saturday. It’s their day off, so long as no emergency arises.

Reisi rises out of bed and stretches lethargically, grabbing his glasses off of the nightstand and squinting in the still-present darkness. He pulls open the curtains to allow the dawn light in. _Much better._

It is early spring, time for all of the outdoor flowering plants his mother gave him to burst into bloom. He admires the scene of rebirth absentmindedly when he notices with sharp eyes that the first flower of the peony bush nearby the window has begun to open, and feels a sharp stab in his chest in a place which has been penetratingly harrowing since a certain snowy December day. Perhaps if it had been numb, it would have been easier, but certainly no better…

_“Would you care for some tea?”_

_Suoh collapses in the kitchen chair that has been up until now neglected and rubs the sleep from his eyes. “Got coffee?”_

_Reisi smiles over his shoulder. “Yes, I do. The only type I have is French Roast. How does that sound?”_

_Suoh meets his eyes and rises from the seat. “Doesn’t matter.” He saunters over to the teapot heating on the stovetop and flattens a palm across its smooth, blue surface. It almost immediately begins to whistle in its shrill tone, the top clattering as steam forces its way upwards._

_Reisi blinks once. Twice. And then he beams amusedly, not in the mood to truly scold the other man. “Oh, my. Showing off, are we?”_

_“It’s just easier this way,” Suoh grumbles, stepping over to gaze out the kitchen window, hand nonchalantly ruffling through his already disorderly hair._

_Reisi decides not to respond, instead preparing the coffee maker before fixing his own tea. “Is there anything in particular you would like for breakfast?”_

_“Why’re you going so far out of your way as to cook my meals?”_

_“That is merely the proper thing to do, as you are my guest. Unless, of course, you do not care to have me cook for you, Suoh?” His voice is matter-of-fact rather than condescending, but he still half expects some cheeky remark from Suoh._

_“Anything’s fine as long as it’s not drowned in red bean paste.”_

_Reisi chuckles slightly. “If you are making reference to Lieutenant Awashima-kun’s…err,_ unique _…sense of taste, I assure you, my own palate differs quite enough. I was considering something simple; for example, omelets and rice…”_

_“Hmm.”_

_Reisi takes this as an affirmative and loads the rice cooker before beginning work on the omelets. Suoh mostly just gazes out the window but every so often he looks over at Reisi, and after a few minutes Reisi himself looks over at Suoh to see him almost grinning._

_“Whatever are you smirking at, Suoh? Have you found something to criticize?”_

_“You…like cooking, don’t you?”_

_Reisi returns some of his attention to the omelets, careful not to let the corners burn. “Yes, I suppose you could say I have an affinity for it. Cooking is both an art and a science.”_

_“I was just thinking right now you have the same look as Izumo mixing up a cocktail or Totsuka doing one of his various hobbies…” Suoh’s tone would sound unconcerned to superficial ears, but he really must pay a lot of attention to such things, Reisi thinks._

_“Oh, my. What a lovely thing to say.”_

_Suoh seems to scoff internally. “I didn’t necessarily mean it as a complement.”_

_“Surely it was not an insult. And I meant it’s nice that you know your friends well enough to say such things.”_

_“That’s seriously not saying anything special, so you get impressed way too easily. And those are burning.”_

_Reisi hastily flips the omelets and holds back the urge to reply,_ Not impressed, but happy. Happy to know that you’re living.

_“Breakfast is ready,” Reisi announces in his most intimidatingly pleasant tone as he places the plates on the table in the most proper of manners._

_Suoh returns to his chair, where he will be sitting across from Reisi, who politely inquires, “Would you like cream for your coffee?”_

_“Butter, sugar, and salt,” Suoh drawls, muttering, “for the rice,” seemingly as an afterthought before stabbing his omelet unceremoniously with his fork, ignoring the knife altogether._

_Reisi makes a face at Suoh’s unbecoming table etiquette. “Pardon my asking, but could it be that you are unfamiliar with Western utensils?”_

_“No, and this is the 21 st century. Just how alien do you think a knife and fork is?”_

_Reisi does not reply, instead retrieves the sugar and salt and cuts out a small pat of butter._

_“And just what the hell is wrong with the way I eat? Think the way you eat is better?”_

_Suoh’s eyes are full of joking, so Reisi knows he obviously isn't truly offended. “Well, rather than dispute, let’s say we eat before breakfast gets cold.” Reisi takes a seat in his own chair and before beginning to eat says an “Itadakimasu” which Suoh of course does not replicate. (He had already taken a bite out of his omelet anyways.)_

_The atmosphere is silent save the soft clinking of knife against fork as Reisi neatly cuts his omelet. He glares disapprovingly at Suoh’s chopsticks sticking straight up in his rice bowl before the latter shovels the remaining rice into his mouth, dropping a few grains onto the expensive tablecloth. Maybe he was just too accustomed to his own ideal table etiquette – he certainly had intimidated quite more than a few persons whilst dining – but maybe it was just that Suoh was a complete mess to begin with._

_Suoh notices Reisi’s scrutiny and jocularly picks up the dropped rice and puts it in his mouth. “What do you do with these?” He gestures at both of their empty dishes._

_“Would you mind placing them in the sink? They can be washed later.”_

_As Suoh gathers them up, he remarks, “Being as that you cooked, I would offer to wash them, but you’d give some remark about not caring to have them in pieces.”_

_“Indeed.”_

_After Suoh brushed his teeth (per Reisi’s demand), Reisi insisted that no, he would not make any weird remarks about using someone else’s shower room, and gave Suoh permission to use it, so long as he would not leave soap suds all over the walls._

_Now Reisi is leaning against the windowsill enjoying the early spring view, wondering why Suoh even wound up spending the night at his home in the first place._

_The preceding day, there was a huge disruption over a small group of powerful Strains that were causing much trouble for both of their Clans, so the two Clans, or at least certain reasonable Clansmen, for the first time attempted to work together under a common goal. Of course, their conflicting methods aroused some level of disagreement, which certainly didn’t help the tension. In the end, it was an exhausting day, even though it wasn’t Reisi’s place to complain._

_He and Suoh wound up stopping at the same place for a drink and managed to keep each other’s company without any hostility. However, it turned out that there was still remaining ruckus to be dissolved so the two rushed out leaving their drinks unfinished on the bar and a generous amount of cash hastily thrown down by Reisi._

_By the time all incidents were_ truly _resolved, it was past midnight, the both of them on the side of some secondary street, and in Suoh’s case, nowhere to go, as he explained that his other Clansmen were still too busy. Reisi offered Suoh a train ride to his home, where Suoh could stay for the night. He expected to be bluntly rejected, so he was quite surprised, also thrilled, when Suoh casually accepted. Reisi couldn’t help but find it exciting to have such an opportunity to get to know someone better, especially Suoh…_

_Suoh strolls into the living room, now wearing his own clothes (which Reisi laundered – even ironed – last night) instead of the pajamas Reisi let him borrow. “You got a phone?”_

_Reisi stands up straight. “Yes. You may use it if you like, but don’t you have your PDA?”_

_“Yeah. But Izumo was just trying to call me when the battery went out.”_

_“The phone sits on the bookshelf over there. It’s a rotary dial, however; do you know how to use it?”_

_“Yeah, Totsuka has one.” Suoh slowly but surely dials Kusanagi and answers unconcernedly, “Yeah, I’m fine…Yeah, found a place to stay…Nowhere special. I’ll be back, er, later.” He ends the call abruptly and plops down on the couch which he slept on last night. “I’ve never seen you like that before, Munakata.”_

_“What do you mean, Suoh?”_

_“Your hair’s messy, you’re in everyday pajamas…I always imagined you Blues as sleeping in your uniforms.”_

_Reisi snorts. “What do you think of us as, Suoh? We are human beings, after all.”_

_“Really? You yourself never gave off that impression.”_

_“You’ve only ever seen me during work, Suoh. I assure you, neither I nor any other member of SCEPTER 4 is a robot. And besides, I’ve never had anyone at my home to cook breakfast for so I usually groom myself immediately after awakening.”_

_Suoh snickers. “Groom? What are you, a dog?”_

_Reisi ignores him as he heads to the shower himself._

_When he returns to the living room, he is dressed in neat slacks and a button-up shirt, not a hair out of place. Suoh makes no remark, but is instead up looking around casually, and Reisi assumes the other man is taking note of how empty the place is._

_“I am honestly not present here much at all, save on Saturdays. Customarily, I stay the whole night at headquarters.”_

_“So don’t you sleep?”_

_“In my office, yes, or occasionally in the dormitory. Headquarters are also equipped with bathing facilities, so during the week there is no need for me to return here except for a change of clothes.”_

_Suoh walks over to the window where Reisi was leaning before. “So even though you aren't here much you bothered with all those plants?”_

_Reisi walks over to Suoh’s side. “Yes. They all come from my mother, who is an avid gardener.”_

_“Did you plant all of them yourself?”_

_“Yes, as a matter of fact.” Reisi turns his head toward Suoh. “This time of year makes it rather worthwhile, as you can see. Do you know anything about gardening?”_

_“No, but I don’t doubt for a second Totsuka will take it up any time now… Why is that one not planted?” He gestures at the peony bush sitting in a pot on the steps._

_“I just received that one from Mother a few days ago. It’s a peony bush, and the flowers smell wonderful. It should be planted soon, since now is the time of year they bloom.”_

_“Do you want to plant it together?”_

Reisi allows himself to remember. He isn't so bitter as to want to forget the first day he and Suoh had first spent time with each other.

Besides, he couldn’t even if he tried.

He had never been a skeptic of the saying, “It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all,” but now he wonders if that applies to himself, the one who killed his own love as result of the twisted works of inevitability with the very weapon that he to this day carries at his hip as the manifestation of the duty which called for him to drive the blade through Suoh’s heart.

Ever since that day, he has felt as if his own heart had been torn from his chest, yet he still keeps on living. Everyone else thinks that it’s all the same, that he’s all the same, but it’s not the same. It will never be the same again, and neither will he. Not ever.

But Reisi will continue living because he is sure that is what Suoh would have wanted. Even though Reisi was not able to protect Suoh, he can still protect everything that should be protected in the world, including those which Suoh held – no, holds – dear. Reisi feels he can take comfort from that, yet it has never filled that hollowness in his chest. He knows that nothing can, for nothing could ever take Suoh’s place.

And death in itself, he knows, is not an ending. In due time, will he not be reunited with Suoh Mikoto, the man with such intense, feeling eyes and the most profound of souls? He has no doubt that this is true, yet he cannot erase that excruciating pain he felt when Suoh died in his arms, when he left Suoh’s body in the snow and returned to cheering Clansmen. He cannot erase the nightmares in which he relives that moment, and most of all he cannot erase the loneliness and guilt. However, if he were given the choice he would never erase it. To Reisi, the grief is the proof that Suoh lived, that Reisi loved him, that Suoh was the most important thing he wanted to protect and yet he failed.

It is so heavy that in the most overwhelming of times it is all Reisi can do not to hate the whole world. He wouldn’t allow that to happen. Suoh wouldn’t want that. Suoh had counted on him to carry out his duty to the very end, and, if Suoh were here to attest, he would certainly say that he never even had to be there to tell Munakata Reisi to do such.

But it still hurts.

Because in the end he is just human…

***

_“No…”_

_Suoh’s fingertips press into Reisi’s hip lightly. “No what?”_

_Reisi looks down at their feet and bites his bottom lip, wishing Suoh wasn’t looking at his face. “I can't do this, not with you. Not us…”_

_“Can't do what? It’s just a hug.”_

_Reisi’s body cringes voluntarily, and Suoh understands, undrapes his arms from around Reisi and steps back so that they are at perfect eye contact level. This doesn’t make Reisi feel better to continue, but he does. “No, it’s not. I couldn’t…We can't…”_

_“Because we’re both guys?”_

_“That’s not what I mean and you know it,” Reisi almost snaps._

_Suoh displays a minutely traceable change in expression that Reisi can't quite decode but somehow still makes his chest hurt. “Well then why are you crying?”_

_“I’m not crying,” Reisi manages to state blankly._

_“Maybe not on the outside.”_

_“I imagine you of all people should have to clearest picture of what would happen…”_

_“Yeah, and that’s why I want to enjoy every last day with the people I care about before that happens. That includes you.”_

_Reisi eyes widen slightly; he bites his lip hard enough that he can sense the faint taste of blood and diverts his head to down and to the side sharply. Most anyone else would find such a thing to say so unlike Suoh Mikoto, but Reisi has found over the time spent with him that, despite his outwardly brusque and violent manner, he feels deeply and is burdened with the role forced upon him as well as the power that comes along with it. “You’re right.”_

_“But..?” Suoh was already expecting what would come next._

_He meets Suoh’s eyes again now, his face fully composed. “But I am afraid that my duty and our combined circumstances cause that to be unable to be fulfilled to the maximum.” Here he goes once more, putting up a useless multitude of words to block out his own personal feelings._

_Suoh’s eyes narrow slightly, and Reisi doesn’t put it past Suoh to understand the way his mind works by now. Seeing the look buried within the amber of those eyes, Reisi finds himself feeling much more pity for Suoh than he does for himself. He inhales sharply and offers one of his more honest smiles. Lopsided. Broken. Indisputably appropriate._

_“However, I sincerely wish to remain your friend and acquaintance as circumstance and situation allows it, Suoh. That’s…better than having nothing…right?”_

_“Maybe. If I can ask for just one really selfish thing then we’ll have a deal.”_

_Reisi could laugh at the irony. After what he has just bluntly denied Suoh, the man thinks anything he asks of Reisi could be selfish? So Reisi decides that whatever it is Suoh asks for, he’ll grant it._

_“Let me hear it.”_

_Suoh looks downwards. He could be biting his lip as Reisi was, but he isn't sure. “When you see that the bush is blooming – the one we planted together that day – when you see it when it looks to be the most alive, think of me. It doesn’t have to be every time, just once is enough.”_

_Reisi tries to keep his eyes from watering. He does not want to start crying, not even after Suoh leaves._

_“You’re making such a weird face…I guess I just spouted some sappy shit that sounded like a line from some romance novel – ”_

_“No. I promise that I’ll do it. That’s a wonderful thing to ask. But you say that like you’re on your deathbed, Suoh. It’s not as if we will never see each other –”_

_“Yeah, I know that. And I know you’ll ask to never speak of this again, right?”_

_“No, maybe one day things won't be like this. So I want neither of us to ever lose hope of that. I’m sorry for the way I said things, Suoh. I want to…be beside you as a friend, even if that is not every day…”_

_“And that will be our common understanding?”_

_“Yes…”_

_Suoh smiles at him, broken but fiery and brilliant and full of life his eyes are all the same. “I should be going. Anna’s expecting me over.”_

_“That’s good. You should stick close to your friends.”_

_“Yeah, like I said.”_

_Reisi sees him out the door so casually that it stings. He goes back inside fighting whatever urges he might have had to follow the man._ He honestly could have, should have, or so he would think years later.

_He eyes burn with the threat of oncoming tears that never flow, and as he collapses into his bed, presses a pillow into his face and screams._

***

_It is early spring, the time for Sakura blossoms to burst into bloom and pink petals to come flurrying down upon multitudes of jubilant observers, just as it is happening here outside of SCEPTER 4’s headquarters._

_Reisi looks on as his subordinates delight in the atmosphere around them, of course somewhat assisted by the intense liveliness of Doumyouji Andy._

_He then takes into consideration Fushimi, seated beside Reisi and donning his customary bored scowl. “Isn't it rare for you to participate in this kind of event?”_

_Fushimi glares at him for a second before re-diverting his attention. “Not really.”_

_Reisi smiles knowingly and gazes up at the Sakura tree overhead. “Moreover, spring has come, hasn’t it?”_

_“Yeah, it’s here. Although I hate lively things.”_

_About that time Awashima comes trotting up with a plate featuring a heap of red bean paste. “Captain!” Apparently she will be expecting him to eat it…_

_Fushimi stares off in the direction of the other tussling members, most notably Doumyouji with Hidaka Akira in a playful headlock. Reisi sees the pining look on Fushimi’s face and feels as if he is looking at a reflection of his past self. “Are you remembering your former home?” Reisi inquires in a polite tone._

_Fushimi returns with a death glare. “Why?”_

_Reisi exhales slightly. “Because you had a look on your face.”_

_Fushimi tsk’s before clicking his tongue. “These kind of events…I remembered how seriously annoying they are, in a sense.”_

_Reisi turns his head towards Fushimi. “Is that so?”_

_The latter grins twistedly. “You sure seem unconcerned.”_

_Reisi raises his brow slightly. “About what?”_

_“A lot happened this winter, but more specifically, I feel like you brought a certain person under your personal care.”_

_Awashima, agape and now well within hearing range and knowing full well what Fushimi is referring to, shouts his name at him in loathe to his cruelty and as a serious warning._

_Reisi, however, fully keeps his composure, hands folded in his lap and a calm expression across his face. “I will fulfill my own destiny until the end, and my path is not meant to be interrupted here. Just as Fushimi-kun said, as long as we are alive seasons will change, and our days will also continue on – whether you have something…or must part with it. As long as you wear the SCEPTER 4 uniform, please be prepared.” The last statement serves as a warning which he sincerely hopes Fushimi Saruhiko will heed._

_Reisi gazes up again at the Sakura, petals flitting around, dancing in the air before reaching the ground._

_Per Suoh Mikoto’s request, Reisi did indeed think of him when he saw the peony bush in bloom, and not just once but every time. Suoh stated that Reisi should think of him when the bush is “most alive,” so now when Reisi sees anything or anyone at their most lively, he can't help but remember the Red King, leader of HOMRA. Maybe the Sakura blossoms in particular… It is a beautiful thing Mikoto left for Reisi to remember him by._

_Mikoto. Reisi had never called Suoh by his given name before, or vice versa._

_Sakura blossoms… ephemeral though they are, one knows they will bloom yet again come the next year. If it were not for that, the pale crimson flowers would have been a fine example of his loss._

_“However, for now let’s admire these ephemeral flowers.”_

_Reisi’s eyes glaze over slightly with memories, all kinds, but most of them happy, flurrying through his mind._

_“It’s a flurry of falling Sakura blossoms…”_

END

**Author's Note:**

> Endnotes:   
> I’m hoping that the deal with the peony bush wasn’t too cheesy. Sometimes cheesiness/sappiness is a good thing, but this was meant to be a melancholy fic. Please let me know what you think! (And why peonies, are you wondering? Because there are two bushes in my front yard and they smell great!)  
> The very last flashback was taken from the final chapter of K – Days of Blue, the side story manga about SCEPTER 4. (scanlations courtesy of mangahere.com)  
> Mikoto’s table etiquette is based on my own, tbh. And I put salt, butter, and sugar all three on my rice, which people tell me is not normal, but whatever.  
> And just in case anyone is wondering about this part: “I imagine you of all people should have to clearest picture of what would happen…”/“Yeah, and that’s why I want to enjoy every last day with the people I care about before that happens. That includes you.” – I meant for it to be interpreted as the both of them knowing that Suoh’s Weismann level would eventually reach its limit just like it did for the last Red King, and Munakata would be the only one to stop him.


End file.
